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I’m Angry With You
One of the main principles of Zen is being one. In that sense, the sister who acted happily upon her friends is one with her feelings and thought. She was happy maybe because she hasn’t seen her friends for a long time, but that doesn’t mean she is also happy that her mother died. What she actually did was perfect adequacy to the situation since she had time to chat with long time unseen friends. The actions are such because the mind and the body are one and the same. She saw old friends and that made her happy and with that she is happy. The seeing of the old friends and the happiness are one and the same. The seeing of the friends is the joy that the sister felt at the time she was happy at the funeral. The sister who questioned her other sister about the behavior at the funeral was obviously looking for the appearance of being sad which is not acknowledged, and yet not rejected in Zen. Appearance simply is. Appearances are only forms, and forms are also formless because they cannot exist forever, and also they are nothing before they existed. The “unzen” sister was practically telling her sister to be sad because it is their mother’s funeral and that is already a projection of reality, which is in contrast to the real. This projection is a product of the expectation, which tends to imitate the so-called “proper conduct” which in Zen, are only dogmatic rules and moral standards. Zen is not saying that it is better to be happy than be sad in a funeral. Zen is simply telling us that neither is better and either is appropriate. Zen is freedom. Freedom in the Zen sense is not to do as you please, but Freedom to do the appropriate and what is perfect for the moment. The fact that the sister questioned her other sister for the way she acted at the funeral was implying control. She wanted her sister to do, as she is, being sad that is, and with that way observe the funeral. The control was not done and so it turned out to be a hang up, ergo, the ego was not fed. When they got home, the ego of the sister was still there and it came right out of her mouth when she commented, “You seemed to be having too much of a good time.” This comment is one example of the games people like to play. She thinks she is better or holier than her sister because she acted sad at the funeral, and being better, she has the authority to question her sister by the way she acted. The statement was supposed to comment on the feelings of the other sister. But the other sister used this statement to persecute her sister of being happy at the funeral. The answer of the other sister to this comment was simple and spontaneous, “I was.” because in her heart mind, she is not playing the same game as her sister is. She can see her sister trying to project that a person who has a family member who just died should be sad and not joyful even when there are friends around. The fact is, the “unzen” sister is asking her sister to repress the joy she felt just because they are in the funeral.
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