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War Torn

‘Damn siren, just as I was dozing off,” I mutter to myself. I wearily tumble out of bed and start pulling boots and shirt on. It’s just another false alarm, like they always are.

Grabbing my gas mask and chemical gloves I head out to check the night sky while standing in our bunker. “James” flies out of the tent (I call her that because her morning hair reminds me of James Brown). We check the night sky to see if we can count the SCUD’s over head. That is when it happens an eardrum-shattering BOOM!!!!

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“Holy Shit!! We are coming under attack!!!” I bellow out to James.

Oh my God!! James and I look at each other for a brief second not knowing what the hell to do. The ground begins to shake, then intensifies. I feel my feet fly out from under me; all of a sudden I am floating in a prone position through the air.

Death is a passing thought. Fear courses through my veins as my panicked breathing fogs up my gas mask lenses.

I see my life flash before my eyes, the moments of sadness and joy, my Mommy and sisters. Thoughts of never seeing them again bring a sense of sorrow to my heart. I make peace with God because I know this is the end.

I understand in that brief moment the meaning of fear; a fear that rises up like bile from its deep, dark internal hiding place. Fear like this not only has its own taste, but its own sound. A rolling, whooshing deafening sound that blocks out all reasonable, coherent thought. And then, the moment is gone as reality of the ground hits me square on the back; knocking the wind out of me. I roll over and James and I grab each other hugging and sobbing. Thankful we are alive.

I lost a part of me in that forsaken hellhole of a desert and have often wondered if I would get it back. I am resigned though that I won’t ever find that missing piece of myself, but I still look for it sometimes when I pull out my souvenir of the SCUD missile that hit 8 miles outside our main gate that day.

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